Comments on: The Ups and Downs of Polyamory http://www.scottfreethinking.com/2007/04/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory-2/ Thu, 02 Feb 2012 21:38:52 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Scott Free Thinking » Libertarianism, Liberty, and Self Improvement – What’s the Connection? http://www.scottfreethinking.com/2007/04/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory-2/comment-page-1/#comment-4205 Scott Free Thinking » Libertarianism, Liberty, and Self Improvement – What’s the Connection? Sun, 01 Jan 2012 09:04:51 +0000 http://www.scottfreethinking.com/index.php/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory/#comment-4205 [...] choices about food such as tackling weight loss or right choices about relationships such as non-monogamy, what to do about porn, and what certain milestones in time might [...] [...] choices about food such as tackling weight loss or right choices about relationships such as non-monogamy, what to do about porn, and what certain milestones in time might [...]

]]> By: billy http://www.scottfreethinking.com/2007/04/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory-2/comment-page-1/#comment-4121 billy Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:27:38 +0000 http://www.scottfreethinking.com/index.php/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory/#comment-4121 As long as you are happy with your relationships or relationships that all that matters. We easily judge other people for doing things that are unusual but we should rather respect them and hope that their choices make them happy. As long as you are happy with your relationships or relationships that all that matters. We easily judge other people for doing things that are unusual but we should rather respect them and hope that their choices make them happy.

]]> By: Scott Lee http://www.scottfreethinking.com/2007/04/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory-2/comment-page-1/#comment-172 Scott Lee Sat, 01 Dec 2007 22:23:11 +0000 http://www.scottfreethinking.com/index.php/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory/#comment-172 Wayne, In a state of depression and "other health issues" you should NOT be pursuing a second partner. Having an affair will NOT allow you to stay longer. But why do I say this? Because just from that single paragraph you have written to me, it is obvious there is a much larger issue at hand here. You having a problem with your wife's health is no excuse to go off and abandon your current marriage. Polyamory is something that is done out of love, not throwing away something that seems to be no good anymore. It almost sounds as though you do not want to be married to an unhealthy cripple or something. Your wife is your wife, your partner, your lover and unless she genuinely has a similar viewpoint on the whole subject, you should not be pursuing anyone else. Polyamory is also, as I said, in honesty. Having an affair is simply cheating on your wife. It is NOT polyamory, it is cheating. And there is a huge difference. I would recommend battling your depression before getting with anyone else. This is not only a good thing to do for you, it will be a good thing to do for anyone else that you would consider dating. No one likes being with someone who is depressed or having chronic health issues, and you should be focusing on the health of both yourself and your wife before seeking out anyone else. -Scott ScottFreeThinking.com Wayne,

In a state of depression and “other health issues” you should NOT be pursuing a second partner. Having an affair will NOT allow you to stay longer.

But why do I say this? Because just from that single paragraph you have written to me, it is obvious there is a much larger issue at hand here. You having a problem with your wife’s health is no excuse to go off and abandon your current marriage.

Polyamory is something that is done out of love, not throwing away something that seems to be no good anymore. It almost sounds as though you do not want to be married to an unhealthy cripple or something. Your wife is your wife, your partner, your lover and unless she genuinely has a similar viewpoint on the whole subject, you should not be pursuing anyone else.

Polyamory is also, as I said, in honesty. Having an affair is simply cheating on your wife. It is NOT polyamory, it is cheating. And there is a huge difference. I would recommend battling your depression before getting with anyone else. This is not only a good thing to do for you, it will be a good thing to do for anyone else that you would consider dating. No one likes being with someone who is depressed or having chronic health issues, and you should be focusing on the health of both yourself and your wife before seeking out anyone else.

-Scott
ScottFreeThinking.com

]]> By: Wayne http://www.scottfreethinking.com/2007/04/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory-2/comment-page-1/#comment-171 Wayne Sat, 01 Dec 2007 06:47:44 +0000 http://www.scottfreethinking.com/index.php/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory/#comment-171 I found your article to be interesting, and enlighting. I have been married for fifteen years. After two years, my wife's health has been declining which has lead to me extremely overly stressed to get our marriage together. I would like to have another female lover. Over the last year I have fallen apart to depression and other health issues. Each day, I have been ready to throw the towel in and fill for divorce. Part of me, has been wondering if I have an affair could it allow me to stay married longer? I have come to realize that I would honestly leave this marriage if I was not for the fact that we have two wonderful kids. She is constantly have one to two surgerys each year. I wish I could go back in time, change my wedding vow, I would make some loops holes. I found your article to be interesting, and enlighting. I have been married for fifteen years. After two years, my wife’s health has been declining which has lead to me extremely overly stressed to get our marriage together. I would like to have another female lover. Over the last year I have fallen apart to depression and other health issues. Each day, I have been ready to throw the towel in and fill for divorce. Part of me, has been wondering if I have an affair could it allow me to stay married longer? I have come to realize that I would honestly leave this marriage if I was not for the fact that we have two wonderful kids. She is constantly have one to two surgerys each year. I wish I could go back in time, change my wedding vow, I would make some loops holes.

]]> By: Chrissy http://www.scottfreethinking.com/2007/04/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory-2/comment-page-1/#comment-170 Chrissy Mon, 02 Jul 2007 15:08:24 +0000 http://www.scottfreethinking.com/index.php/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory/#comment-170 Scott, I wanted to thank you for your words. My lover and I had our night together a few weeks ago. His wife seemed okay about it and never expressed any jealousy (which is something we try to deal with together). We (the three of us) have had dinners together and movies and just yesterday, we went bike riding. I'm still afraid to ask her for a set night each month from him for fear she'll ask him to leave me. I would love to have him but would never ask him or try to get him to leave her. I will tell her that. Any suggestions? Scott, I wanted to thank you for your words. My lover and I had our night together a few weeks ago. His wife seemed okay about it and never expressed any jealousy (which is something we try to deal with together). We (the three of us) have had dinners together and movies and just yesterday, we went bike riding. I’m still afraid to ask her for a set night each month from him for fear she’ll ask him to leave me. I would love to have him but would never ask him or try to get him to leave her. I will tell her that. Any suggestions?

]]> By: Scott Lee http://www.scottfreethinking.com/2007/04/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory-2/comment-page-1/#comment-169 Scott Lee Tue, 08 May 2007 18:50:45 +0000 http://www.scottfreethinking.com/index.php/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory/#comment-169 Congratulations, then, Chrissy! I hope things continue to go well for you! =] -Scott Congratulations, then, Chrissy! I hope things continue to go well for you! =]

-Scott

]]> By: Chrissy http://www.scottfreethinking.com/2007/04/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory-2/comment-page-1/#comment-168 Chrissy Tue, 08 May 2007 18:41:13 +0000 http://www.scottfreethinking.com/index.php/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory/#comment-168 Scott, Thank you for your advice on asking about my lover spending the night occasionally. I spoke to him about it and we are going to take it very slowly, which I certainly understand. I didn't want to hurt her with my question. My lover's wife (or should I say my new and wonderful second lover) mentioned she was going on an overnight golf trip in a couple of weeks and while "our" guy was just about to ask her if she minded if he spent the night with me, she herself told him that maybe I might like to have him overnight, with the understandable rule that I not sleep in their bed without her presence. I myself cannot believe it, but am grateful for her. As I explained to my mother, we have taken the lemons out of the situation and added sugar, water and put it all on ice and we are sipping a beautiful concoction! Scott,

Thank you for your advice on asking about my lover spending the night occasionally. I spoke to him about it and we are going to take it very slowly, which I certainly understand. I didn’t want to hurt her with my question. My lover’s wife (or should I say my new and wonderful second lover) mentioned she was going on an overnight golf trip in a couple of weeks and while “our” guy was just about to ask her if she minded if he spent the night with me, she herself told him that maybe I might like to have him overnight, with the understandable rule that I not sleep in their bed without her presence. I myself cannot believe it, but am grateful for her. As I explained to my mother, we have taken the lemons out of the situation and added sugar, water and put it all on ice and we are sipping a beautiful concoction!

]]> By: Today is that Day http://www.scottfreethinking.com/2007/04/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory-2/comment-page-1/#comment-163 Today is that Day Wed, 02 May 2007 00:40:19 +0000 http://www.scottfreethinking.com/index.php/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory/#comment-163 [...] 9) Have you ever heard the naval saying "a girl in every port"? Apparently there is an actual cultural system behind that type of behavior called Polyamory, and Scott over at Scott Free Thinking brings us a very informative and impartial look at what a lot people would consider a very different lifestyle! Get your multiple partner information by reading up on The Ups and Downs of Polyamory. [...] [...] 9) Have you ever heard the naval saying "a girl in every port"? Apparently there is an actual cultural system behind that type of behavior called Polyamory, and Scott over at Scott Free Thinking brings us a very informative and impartial look at what a lot people would consider a very different lifestyle! Get your multiple partner information by reading up on The Ups and Downs of Polyamory. [...]

]]> By: Scott Lee http://www.scottfreethinking.com/2007/04/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory-2/comment-page-1/#comment-167 Scott Lee Thu, 26 Apr 2007 23:18:55 +0000 http://www.scottfreethinking.com/index.php/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory/#comment-167 Chrissy, The best thing to do, I would say, is to simply be straightforward and direct. There is no reason for anyone to be walking on shaky ground or have a fear of 'rocking the boat,' as you would say. Be honest, even if you have a fear of triggering the insecurities of the other party. The question you probably need to ask yourself in that sort of situation is: are the three of you truly getting along, or is there an underlying tension? If you have a fear of asking a direct question(and the worst she SHOULD say is no), then there is a problem. There must be a level of full genuine acceptance. Without more detail, and from what you've told me by itself, this would seem the best advice I can offer you. But use your own best judgment. Hope I've helped, and feel free to talk to me further. -Scott Chrissy,

The best thing to do, I would say, is to simply be straightforward and direct. There is no reason for anyone to be walking on shaky ground or have a fear of ‘rocking the boat,’ as you would say. Be honest, even if you have a fear of triggering the insecurities of the other party. The question you probably need to ask yourself in that sort of situation is: are the three of you truly getting along, or is there an underlying tension? If you have a fear of asking a direct question(and the worst she SHOULD say is no), then there is a problem.

There must be a level of full genuine acceptance.

Without more detail, and from what you’ve told me by itself, this would seem the best advice I can offer you. But use your own best judgment.

Hope I’ve helped, and feel free to talk to me further.

-Scott

]]> By: Chrissy http://www.scottfreethinking.com/2007/04/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory-2/comment-page-1/#comment-166 Chrissy Thu, 26 Apr 2007 20:31:30 +0000 http://www.scottfreethinking.com/index.php/the-ups-and-downs-of-polyamory/#comment-166 I am a single woman involved in a newly polyamorous relationship. I have been his mistress for over 4 wonderful years and when his wife found out, instead of divorcing him (which she threatened to do if he didn't give me up). She has now accepted me and allows him to be with me and the 3 of us go out occasionally. I would like to have him sleep over from time to time, which he wants to do, but he is afraid to ask her in fear of "rocking the boat". Is there a good way for him to present this question to her? I am a single woman involved in a newly polyamorous relationship. I have been his mistress for over 4 wonderful years and when his wife found out, instead of divorcing him (which she threatened to do if he didn’t give me up). She has now accepted me and allows him to be with me and the 3 of us go out occasionally. I would like to have him sleep over from time to time, which he wants to do, but he is afraid to ask her in fear of “rocking the boat”. Is there a good way for him to present this question to her?

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