When I was younger, I used to be in high competition with my two older brothers. One of which I was especially envious of, his name was Jeremy. For those of you that know me, I am something of a high achiever, and when I ask people for help, some are hesitant to give it to me because they say I have “such high standards” it would be easy to let me down. I think much of my drive started in my earlier youth, where even playing with Legos during the day or writing stories or drawing pictures I was trying to create something more intricate, more complex, more beautiful, than the other brothers. One of the most typical things we used to build were Lego spaceships, and we even had a system for what was what, mostly based off the pseudo science of Star Trek. Yes – it was just that complicated.

During the long hours of practicing any one activity I would grow frustrated, similar as to how I do today, but the struggle was one to be “normal” and one to be able to be on the same performance level as individuals who were years ahead of me in their literal chronological development. It is unrealistic to expect certain things out of children, largely because much of what they desire is often simply beyond their ability. Do not get me wrong, however, children can be capable of amazing things, and I think the pressure I put on myself to match my brothers’ creativity and potential lead me to have opportunities other children might not. In elementary school, I was always just one inkling away from the gifted and talented program – something that my parents gave no effort to prepare me for, but that I simply did on my own. Needless to say, I failed to get into that gifted and talented program. And here I am today, right? :P Kidding, of course.

Today I hold a much different perspective. Over time, especially through the teen years, most people tend to find a place and a set of traits that they label as their own identity. Today I’m a guy who is trying his hand at a number of different kinds of businesses, and I’m experimenting a lot with my creativity, but at this point it is really about finding what I would like to do for the majority of the rest of my life rather than dealing with pressures to perform on a similar level as others, or to exceed them. And ultimately, whether you are good at what you do or not, it is important to realize that much of what you desire is just about choice. Everyone with a healthy brain & body has the capacity to improve, it is simply answering that major question: are you going to do what improvement requires?

In the area of the science of personal development and psychological health, there is a big debate out there under two major different schools of thought in regards to human potential and the capacity to improve yourself. Similar to the idea of nature vs. nurture, where basically you’re posing the question of genetics vs. environmental conditioning, the two schools of thought I refer to are whether or not you can improve on any one area performance wise if those two factors are at play. If everything is genetic, that essentially means that there is nothing we can do about what we are. If everything is based on upbringing, that means we could really change anything and maybe everything! The scientific community tends to point to a mixture of both elements, of course.

I’ve determined that when it comes to development under terms of enviousness and/or jealousy, there are essentially five elements to your improvement, not necessarily in this particular order:

1. Resource – Ever noticed how children going to inner city private schools tend to be bilingual a lot more often than children from suburban public school? Have you ever noticed that kids involved in regular exercise activities from early on in life will typically lead a healthier lifestyle as they age? These components are important, because these components are essentially something that only the parents can provide. Children cannot help themselves to paying for an elaborate school with extra activities to take part in, nor can they hire a good teacher for a particular subject to help the child grow in that area. Resource typically can revolve around the wealth of a family, but it does not necessarily have to. One of my friends is an incredible automechanic who can know the problem of your car just by you talking about it – but he could never write a novel to save his life. His automotive knowledge came from his father, who he helps to run a business with.

2. Timing - Ever heard the phrase “in the right place at the right time?” Sometimes, it simply is the truth – being the right guy in the right place at the right time is the way to go, but it’s a factor that probably is the closest to resemble pure luck. If you’re looking for a job and the economy is in the expansion phase, you could have hope! If you are looking for a job and the economy is currently in depression, it might be a different story. Timing is an interesting thing, because under this it really says that much of the opportunities that are open to us are based on where we are at a certain time. Whatever happens to be in your immediate proximity is what you have access to.

3. Environment – Environment is an interesting thing, because I think we have yet to realize the full effects of whether or not positive or negative influences truly effect us on such a deep level as it could. What your peers and friends say about you often has a deep effect. Do others believe in you? Do you believe in yourself? Sometimes it is the answer to the first question that can actually be answering the second. If you are continuing to be surrounded by positive influence, ascending to a higher level in any area becomes easier. Outside of just friends, other influences can easily be involved. Are you healthy? Are you financially stable? Do you live in cold or hot weather? Every tiny little factor goes into your development.

4. Upbringing – At first glance, upbringing may appear the same as the concept of environment, but it is not, simply for the pure reason that during childhood the role of family can be so dramatic in comparison to anything else later in life. Upbringing is also not the same as resource. Some children have very abundant resources from which to draw from, but are miserable from parents who seem to only want to push them to be superchildren, or perhaps children had emotionally abusive parents even though they had such prestigious academic beginnings. Family, and especially parents, must be nurturing of a person early in life.

5. Personal choice - The last element of this scheme, and certainly not the least, is personal choice. Personal choice is probably the most important part, because it is what we have immediate control over. How you take the other components of your abilities and use them to your advantage largely depends on your choice in handling these elements. Things reflected by personal choice include attitude, self discipline, optimism, goal creation, and more.

What is interesting to note here is that four of out five of these elements are largely beyond your immediate control. So when you are feeling down, remember that your lack of ability is, in part, your fault, but perhaps there are other things working against you. Perhaps there are portions of your life that you could work to improve.

And it is scary saying all of this, because when it comes to personal choice, I think it is the biggest and most important element listed here. I’m a big guy on personal choice. Ultimately, when it all comes down to it at the end of the day, personal choice and how you’ve created your life is really what matters most. The responsibility of your life really does fall squarely in your own lap. No matter what hinders you in your past, it is your responsibility to move on from it yourself.

And out of these parts, consider a bigger picture of how these elements play out during your entire lifespan here on this earth. By the time you’re 50, will it matter if your friends did one thing better than you or not? Okay, perhaps 50. Will it still matter at 80? 90? Will it matter when you die? And don’t think death is too ridiculous a viewpoint to hold in the scope of jealousy – we all die at the end of life, it’s the big ending to our story. I cannot help but feel that the truth is that it really will not matter.

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