Face Friendship, No Matter the Supposed Cost

There I was, laying next to a destroyed world, after it had already forgotten me. There were no words to be said, no real words to exchange with any of them. The only thing I could really do is initiate some sort of personal self-sedation and attempt to be in existence with these people who no longer knew who I was. Likewise, I had no idea who they were either. Yet I was here, here despite the fact that so much damage had been done not even two years ago, here despite the fact that the relationships had grown sour at points, here despite all of the misunderstandings over who each other were. What was the point? Why was I even talking to any of them? Why was I in this house again?

The rest of the night was mediocre in ways, boring in others, and perhaps the fact that there was no real pain behind any of it could be the major positive of all of it. I stayed up through the night at this old friend’s birthday party to listen to people talk. Instead of people and talking, however, I only saw echoes and heard only hints of whispers. This is what it feels like to be out of the loop. This is what it feels like to be in an external position and to push for all that just does not exist anymore. This is a connection broken and buried.

It is this experience you may feel when trying to connect with old friends you have not talked to in some time. There are a number of people out there that would be absolutely terrified to go out into the wide unknown to tackle something that they know may be entirely pointless for them to even pursue. Some people might even call you a fool for departing onto such an endeavor. Other times, the entire thing is just more subtle than I’ve even mentioned. Sometimes it is a totally different situation all together, where perhaps you grow suspicious of what others around you are thinking.

But I’m here to tell you all of the reasons why none of that even matters at all. Essentially, a single deck of cards can be changed out for a new one.

Life, to a lot of people I know, seems to run under the form of a debate. That debate tends to revolve around ideas of either how much everyone else is to blame, or how much their own personal choices have gotten them somewhere. At some point, everyone is going to feel some sort of remorse. But that is certainly not what this article is about, what I am here to describe is, to me, the duty your friends have toward you in these circumstances.

Your friends are meant to support you, and for you to support them. People tend to take this quality of friendship a bit too far, even to the point of deception and dishonesty. Sorry, folks, but lying to your friends to make them feel better generally has a way of blowing up in your face or striking back at you via some bizarre means of karma. What definitely should take place is that while you hold a label of friendship with someone, that someone should be given all the support that you would want to get from them. But friendship, in an ideal world, goes beyond that of a simple animalistic symbiotic relationship. It is not just about “I’ll scratch your back, you scratch mine,” sort of deal. Friendship is about kinship, about a form of brotherhood beyond that of family, an understanding that you two are connected in a resonating way that allows an evolving and diversified relationship to exist.

Honesty and open trust are key to a beneficial and loving friendship. Friendship, as much as the macho guys are going to hate to hear this, leads straight back to love. Yes, platonic love, but love nonetheless. Friendship is still about compassion and caring for another human being. If you find yourself in a friendship for a reason other than simply caring for another person, I do not believe that can be deemed a real, true friendship.

At the same time, friendship should and does have its limits. Once the people around you begin to contradict your own personal values, or begin to have so little in common with you that you struggle just to find words to say to them – it is probably time to get out there and meet new people again. A common problem of old age is that we settle in so deeply with the people that we already know that when those people are finally gone we accept it as our time to be gone, too. You will literally die faster without love and friendship. Do yourself a favor and seek out new people. Keep learning and keep growing until your last dying breath.

The effort given to march on and repair old friendships is priceless. I recently went to this old friend’s birthday party with the hopes of perhaps restoring any tiny little fragment of friendship I may have had left with not just him, but the people who knew him as well. It was also his birthday and if he invited me, he deserved to have me there to the best of my ability. If you feel that you have old friends who are still as good or as whole as they ever have been, but you’ve been cut off and you want to restore what you had before, give it a shot! The worst that can happen is that whatever you do doesn’t work and then you can simply stay cut off. Friends that can be kept are most definitely the best ones.

Throughout my life, I’ve had a number of different friends. The interesting thing about friends and friendship in general is that it all comes with networks and groups. A common piece of relationship advice you’ll receive is that when you’re dating a girl, you’re essentially dating her friends as well. This is so true it’s not even funny – whether she says so or not your relationship with her friends and family is more important than you often realize. If your relationship with these people is no good, it’s possible it could present an obstacle to the relationship you have with each other, because the friends, and especially the family were there first. They will always be there. But you? You’re essentially dispensible if the expense they face is an entire network’s approval or rejection.

Walking into any situation like this takes a great deal of courage, and if your personal philosophy is not there to really back up your actions, it could be quite an emotional experience when you encounter the high’s and low’s of social networking. Your perspective on the people you interact with completely determines, ironically, in and of itself, the people you interact with, along with how you interact with those people, and your perspective can even often determine whether or not you will know those people in a positive or negative context in the long term future.

The view I hold that completely alters my interactions with others is probably a unique one. Given a whole range of things, my entire personality is one that is so intense and rigid it’s easy for people to be put off, intimidated, alienated, and overwhelmed at me merely trying to get to know them. Virtually everything I do is governed by an artistic endeavor around one corner or another. In a way, I’m even creative when it comes to the way I try to interact with people, often interpreting much of what happens with whoever I’m talking to as an unfolding story, isolated within itself. In addition to my overall artistic way of looking at things, I’m also a Religious Scientist(What is God?), an avid achievement freak who studies accelerative learning (Resources and Techniques for Success), and perhaps most misunderstood, I can even summon up the pick up artist in myself (Principles of Seduction – Part 1).

That’s me – what are you? The fact of the matter is that some of us tend to think we might be beyond the norm, but when people generally talk about what normalcy is, even when it’s from solid research, everything is typically spoken of in generalities. Which means, if they say that normally you are supposed to be outgoing with people, that is not to say that for some, being quiet and introverted is actually beneficial to them. There are always exceptions to virtually every rule that’s related to common psychology. In terms of going after improved friendship in your life, you need to ask yourself what your primary characteristics and traits are. Are you shy? Goal oriented? Workaholic? Examine yourself, and if you’re not happy with what you see in front of you then consider how you can shift your multi-layer identity.

Throw away anything I might ever say for a moment about subjective reality as opposed to objectivism as I’ve talked about here many times before. Beyond any of that, it’s a standard philosophical, and even psychological point to say that whatever you see within yourself is going to be reflected outside of you. When you examine the primary characteristics that comprise who you are, you are probably going to find that, at least some of these characteristics, also make up who your friends are. Isn’t that interesting? You will also be able to note that if your traits have recently gone through a change, your friends are perhaps not yet up to date with those values. Perhaps they will in time, or perhaps those values are only to be found in other people you’ve not met yet or do not yet spend time with.

Remember that friendship is one of the most critical elements of life. Social interaction is one of the reasons that human beings are (usually) sane creatures. Without any social interaction, without human connection, we literally die.