Just today I had taken a nap and wrote on my MySpace blog afterward. I thought that what I actually wrote was also worth sharing here on Scott Free Thinking, so here it is:

Okay, I just woke up from the same nap that I mentioned needing to take in the previous blog post, and my God – something has happened. All in that time, I came up with a new band name, dreamed some very interesting dreams inspired from a mix of the board game Risk and my human sexuality class. Why those two things? Well, simply because those are the last two things I had experienced today(most likely), before I had gone to sleep. Kim and I were playing Risk, and before that I had been in class, watching a video about the influence of culture on sexualitynited States in the 20th century.

On a somewhat different note, and I’ll get back to the dreams further down – one thing that immediately bothers me about this human sexuality class is that it seems to be one of the only places in which research has been accumulated on sexuality itself. Why so little research? You mean to tell me that the laws of physics have been around and developing in civilization since Newton hundreds of years ago, but sexuality has been largely ignored before Freud in the 1900’s and Kinsey in the 1950’s? What gives?

Dr. Fasullo gave an interesting explanation: scientific research is the thing that is recent, where as cultures have not changed in many places. For instance, Europe’s overall attitude on sexuality gave way for a lack of sexual research because it was simply seen as something so basic and open to them that why study it? It’s almost as redundant, or as pointless, as studying how a human being swallows food or initiates daydreams – there are more important things to be studied in science. Instead, it has been the fact that the United States has been the subject of highly distinct economic and political conditions, such that had large influence on sexual repression, a sexually uneducated American culture, and perhaps most of all: a scientific community that has had to deal with both vinerial disease during WWI, as well as even in recent times the threat of AIDS. Any major event involving volatile disease usually comes, almost as if by nature’s own response to the human condition, during particular economic periods of excess, revolution, increasing diversity, and rapid change. This includes, of course, STD’s, and as such: the scientific response to them in the part of the world they are present.

Simply said, as uneducated as the United States might be about sexuality, it also seems based on these first impressions that that same country is also the one conducting most of the pivotal early research on sexuality and sexual activities. While many of these scientists do not come from the United States originally, figures like Freud found a calling to investigate the sexual culture phenomenon & human sexuality in general on a scientific basis before what seems to be any other figures in the history of major civilization. Incredible that we would have neglected such a critical area to our existence for so long in the scientific community.

And now back to the dreams: I woke up frequently during them, often to switch sides and for some reason see what time it was. I guess I was concerned with it not being too late in the day for me to throw off my sleeping schedule. In turn, I was somewhat restless. The scope of my thinking during this nap was deep, elaborate, innovative, and of course relaxing.

For some reason, I continue to have a fixation on the people in my past, and strangely – they’re people that I have had little connection with in comparison to many others. Over the past few years I’ve begun to see, in a more psychological way: my parent’s divorce has affected me. Given my experience at James’s birthday party, an old friend from old times whom I rarely talk to anymore than simple greetings anymore, I had a dream that countered that. Connected to James is the group of kids from Pearland, and largely – the drama cast/crew of Pearland High School. Connected to them is Stephen, and connected to Stephen is a section of the group that was once whole and unified during my high school years, especially junior and senior year.

As the people have changed over time, and they do continue to change, even to this day, even though none of us are technically really teenagers anymore, something has definitely happened with their associations in my mind. The emotional experience behind them has shifted. After I broke up with Misty over a year ago now, I spent a few months afterward letting myself be emotionally crippled. The aspect of meeting with her on a social context became so different that my view on this whole group of people became narrowed, short sighted, even ignorant. But after having been at that party, I realized there was a new problem, a new issue in my mind. It was important to me that I connect with them, and new people, more than I had before.

But why? Why should I spend my time struggling at all to weasel my way into a group that seems to have a problem responding to, or even accepting how different I am from them? Perhaps it’s for no other reason than the mere challenge of it, or maybe it’s the moral importance I feel in keeping communities diverse and growing. Growth is not something that happens on purely material and objective terms: growth must have internally as well. When your body becomes immune to multiple different organisms over time, that is an internal growth pattern – its adaptability and its variety of responses increases. In life, life is more colorful, and beautiful, when we can connect with others who are so dramatically different from us.

And the thing about a lot of these people, speaking of the new people I do not yet know that is, is that they are not really that much different, they simply operate on language that has not yet come to be understood by others outside of their group. Virtually every single joke told by the kids at James’s party was an inside joke, not one easily understood by the public. To an outsider, attempting to bring something to the table is simply impossible. They might as well have been speaking a foreign langauge I didn’t understand – it was all experiences and good times I wasn’t around for!

It is not just them that fascinate me – it’s everyone. I have come to feel it is so vitally important that I continue to grow and become better at connecting with others. We live in a sheltered, isolated society, where people are not connecting on a mass scale very often. And what’s worse – a lot of ideas that people have while they think during their day to day lives, do not have a medium through which to be expressed. It is usually easy, say, for people to connect on a social context through church, but could I stand up in front of a bunch of people and talk about things I am passionate over and have them truly listen? Would I be able to get a little off topic from God temporarily if it had something to do that was vital with life? Could I express subject matter freely without the offensive response and action of others to my words?

The 2nd day of government class today talked about a few different modes of looking at politics. The normative approach, the behavioral approach, and another that simply says: “this is how it is.” Normative is from a philosophical standpoint, and it is what the fouding fathers of this country thought about, not so much the facts and figures from existing history. This did not concern them. Why does freedom of speech, in terms of how it can affect the psychological well being of others, or the ongoing existence of a faulted political establishment, get banned? Why does the invasion of privacy through the USA Patriot Act, be allowed, even for a limited time? Forget the supposed consequences that we SUPPOSEDLY may not be able to deal with: think about how it SHOULD be.

But what would I be if one day I went to a public park and began saying a speech to everyone? I’d be weird, because no one does that! What would I be, if, outside the context of an already accredited source, I began talking about my OWN philosophical ideas, my OWN ideas on life? I’d be nothing more than a freak, a guy who must have issues some other place than here, because WHO ELSE would actually get up and talk about what they’re passionate over? The fact that I am a citizen and have the right to say it all isn’t enough, is it? What if I got emotional during my speeches? Nervous? Angry? Upset? How would people conntate that to my words? They’d probably think I was afraid to say them or that there was fallacy in them if they were controversial. What if I were to use curse words in my speech to express my emotions? Am I immediately discredited and my words rendered worthless?

Of COURSE I might be afraid to say them, a lot of people are afraid to say what they feel strongly about: sometimes those things are opposed so radically, so violently, that they are risking their own lives to bring forth a much needed idea. All of the world’s greatest historical figures to improve civil rights had to make these sacrifices, of their own lives, to bring about change for the greater good, for peace, for love. Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr., John F. Kennedy – some of these people are killed for saying what they think the world should be. They die, and so how can you expect just anyone to step up to the plate? Is this to mean that if you are to use freedom of speech in the areas it is needed most, you have to be willing to die? Perhaps it does. Perhaps it does.

So back to what I really believe in – does this mean that if I suddenly began preaching and spouting off my beliefs about how people are isolated, their need to not just tolerate, but accept others who are dramatically different, the way every single one of us is connected to both each other and the environment, the way the government is corrupt by the way it is driven by money more than ever before, the way that human beings could be so much more than they are right now, that we are capable of so much more – must I be willing to die to give all of you this message? I have to say, I think I’m quickly reaching a conclusion: it’s kind of important stuff to know, and yes: I’ll die to give it to you.