Idle Vibe – The Thing We Feel is Missing
What's missing from our lives? Maybe nothing.
Have you ever experienced a sense that “something is missing” from your daily routine? Have you ever been told this by someone else about their life? Satisfaction is one of those elusive things in modern culture. Much of what we deem to be happiness is lost from our expectations that are out of alignment with reality. I call it ‘the idle vibe.’ It is the part of your self state that you feel when you are either bored or without stimulation.
In one sense, it is sort of like the ‘Work Hard Programming.’ Many of us are kept running the hamster wheel of modern society without giving consideration to the idea that perhaps working smarter instead of harder may be the real answer. Likewise, perhaps the nothingness that sometimes seems to invade our personal lives is actually proof that we have lost touch with what, evolutionarily speaking, once kept us driven from day to day. The simple sense of solace that we experience when we have reconnected with nature, even when circumstances seem bleak, or the sense of inspiration we feel when we have just been inspired by a great idea given to us by a friend over coffee.
Recently, I admit, I have felt some bit of frustration in trying to promote this website across the internet, running into writer’s block (even though I have endless topics to discuss, explain, and educate with), feeling inadequate, and generally giving myself highly negative self-talk. Self-talk is huge, as it is one of the primary cognitive forces that determines your self esteem. And self-esteem is important, very important – so much so that it can make or break us with our life goals. When this happens, I am forced by rational interest to take control and eliminate that negative self-talk, it does me no good!
Whenever we find ourselves feeling like we are ‘trapped in a box,’ or even if it is literally true as it is for many employees of places like the big megacorporations, restaurants, or giant retail chains – it is important to recognize that our ability extends vastly beyond where we are in that given moment. The given moment, the power of now, is also important. Sometimes the problem can lie in too much thinking. Thanks to Justin Maman of Tao to Earth for showing me this below clip.
Virtually everyone deserves happiness. At times, this means eliminating our excess baggage by simply letting it go. Ancient culture used to deal with this through various ways. Modern behavioral science and psychology often gives little due credit to meditation, or having the near-Buddha like ability to tap into a “zen” state. Some might even call the clear-headed feeling you have in letting go and focusing on the now to be a form of self-hypnosis.
There are a variety of perspectives to approach the subject but in my personal experience – there is a never ending demonstration about the internet and, chances are, your community that serves as testimony to a zen state’s effectiveness. The effectiveness extends as far as eliminating many of the daily burdens we feel.
Another oft neglected aspect that psychologists tend to ignore is the horrid nature of a monotonous lifestyle. “All work and no play,” as they say, does indeed make someone dull!
I once sent myself to therapy. Sometimes it takes talking to someone with a certain level of expertise on other human beings to allow you to see qualities of yourself you would not see otherwise. In 2008, I wrote an article about why it is good to go through therapy at least once in your life, even when you feel it is unnecessary or that you are completely without problems. The article is on my official personal website and is thus one of my more rarely read articles, though the small amount of feedback I received on the thoughts were wholly positive – many people have a pre-built stigma regarding psychologists.
To be fair, there is certainly reason for doubting the competency or the legitimacy of psychologists given what the media often says about them. The stereotype of you laying down with the old man behind you asking questions still lingers from the old Freudian era. It is, of course, completely untrue that modern psychotherapy bears any resemblance to this picture. In fact, it is not even referred to as “psychotherapy” anymore. I digress, but the concept remains: if you have the money and you have never begun to work on yourself in a highly introspective way, going through therapy at least once is a worthy venture.
The conclusion of my therapy sessions was simple. At the time, I had two girlfriends, was working full time and taking a full college class load, and working on my production company. She told me to take a single day off once a week. Duh – it made all the difference and resolved problems with anxiety I was beginning to experience.
My public man crush on health enthusiast and nutrition expert Mark Sisson continues to make those close to me slightly cringe but I must reassert Mark Sisson’s attitude toward a primal lifestyle and the importance of play to our genes. Particularly, we know that play literally can alter how our genes are expressed, thereby changing the fundamental make up of who we are biologically. When you change your biological composition, this can also change mental attributes of your identity.
Having said that, I would say that are some legitimate times to feel frustration. Before you feel any frustration, you should ask some of the following questions:
- Am I hungry right now?
- Have I gotten adequate sleep?
- Am I lonely?
- Am I about to lose my home?
- Do I feel suffocated by debt?
If you feel you have zero control over these types of questions that relate to your fundamental human needs, then it is understandable you’d feel something “missing” and feel unsatisfied. Especially those first two questions: what if you’re tired and hungry?!
However, we must be realistic with our expectations. If you are fed, have shelter over your head, have slept enough – you must take solace in this fact and continue to focus on your future goals, concerning yourself only with things that are within your control. If something is not within your control, there is no good in allowing yourself to be upset about it. Sometimes control matters not, when my son was born he was only alive for 10 minutes and there was nothing I could do to alter that outcome, but I did the grieving I needed to do and then moved on with life. Outside of extreme circumstances, you move forward with what you can control.
Yes, I am repeating myself here but I feel it is extremely important I drive home the overly obvious. All too often, people ignore this simple fact! There is indeed a time to drop analysis, there is a time to drop tedious critical thought. There is a time to accept reality when reality may not be extremely exciting.
No writer can change your situation for you. That responsibility lies with you. My words can only influence you to consider other ideas, they cannot determine whether you act on those ideas. In review, we can understand that 1) Letting go of maladaptive feelings will take us far. 2) We must focus only on what is within our control. 3) The idle vibe is just a vibe, IT WILL PASS. Finally, 4) the responsibility to make these things happen lies with YOU and no one else!
