Scott Free Thinking

We have all dealt with it at one point or another. There is always that person out there, that, somehow, is bent on giving us a really hard time, and more often than not - they’re having a hard time themselves. And how do they choose to express it? Anger. Anger, anger, and more anger, more rage than we can possibly fathom. One interesting detail behind emotion is its ability to build upon itself. And not only that, anger, in and of itself, has the capability to distort our every perception. Anger seems to have a health oriented energy that is negative, and driven by some kind of force all its own. It has been proven that those under more stress, who get more frustrated, who are angry more often than happy in their lives, usually do not live as long as those who are happy in their lives. And not only do happy people live longer, they live healthier during the time they’re alive. Considering this, and considering life is probably short enough as it is, we know that you do not want to spend any of your time being upset, feeling down, or being miserable. Even more, we know that we definitely hate feeling angry at other people…or do we?

I think one of the most important things to remember when it comes to anger, or any emotion for that matter, is its chemical induction process in the brain itself. When you get mad, or even when you’re happy, different neurotransmitters are being produced that permeate the brain itself. Your cells are constantly being affected in this manner throughout your daily moments, and whatever emotions you are feeling are always reflected by these neurotransmitters. Not only that, but beyond the chemical process there is, coinciding neurological pathways that are built. Your brain’s synaptic functions will begin to reflect your overall mood and make it easier to maintain that state. This is true for any mood, be it happy, sad, or mad. So with that in mind, we want to do two things. 1.) We want to spend more time being happy ourselves and 2.) We want to spend more time encouraging others to feel happy. And when I use the word phrase “encourage others” with the use of encourage, it is very important to note the definition behind encourage. It basically means that the most we can do for other people is to support their happiness, but not create it. It is our own choice of whether or not we are happy.

Many people have gone through a tough life, and most of the time, that tough life is not initially because of their own emotions, but the root of it perhaps began with their environment’s emotions. The problem? Most people do not realize they have a choice with how to perceive their environment, or a choice of how to deal with the emotional stimulus that constantly attempts to affect them. So if we live around abusive relationships, what often happens? We can tend to become abusive in the future to others just as others were abusive to us. You will even hear that out of the mouth of an abusive individual as some sort of odd justification for it, “Nobody ever cared about me! Why should I care about anyone?!” When you think about it logically, their question makes little sense, does it not? Sure, you could look at it morally and say, “Well, I guess you have the right to give other people what’s coming to them,” but that is, again, an emotional response. Is it the logical one? The clear minded one? The level headed approach. In a word: no.

I wrote about how to overcome negative emotions a while ago in Overcoming Emotional Attachment, and since that time it has become a great success with people. I think there is a massive emotional intelligence revolution going on, so to speak, in the sense that simple psychological systems are being created every single day that are allowing people to effectively change their perspective and their overall emotional state.

When you create an emotional state that is positive, you will then proceed to make positive thoughts, which then lead to positive action, which then leads to positive life.

So, assuming that you are a positive person, the key thing to remember is that when you get into an argument, or rather, a disagreement, the key point to remember is that they are angry, and not you. And do not just sit there and say that to yourself. In fact, if you feel angry, go ahead and be angry. You can control your response, however, even while feeling that particular emotion. The emotion is still going to take its course. If you have any opportunity, however, you want to let that negative emotion go. Just let it drop, with the same sensation as you might drop a paper weight, or even imagine it falling away from you with, in the scope of your life, a density than is as light as, and in likeness to, a feather. The lighter the emotion in your mind, the easier it is likely going to be to drop that.

If someone is yelling at you, trying to get their way when it is not conducive to either you or the majority of the people in that given situation, simply be firm, calm, relaxed, and say, “No, I can’t do that.” Let them yell. Let them scream. Let them whine and complain all they want! You may even find that if you can remain emotionally disconnected from that situation, you’ll have an upper hand in multiple ways. The number one way - you will gain control over your own actions in a way that you would not be able to if you were angry. Number two, everyone who is witness to the situation will see you as the more level headed person. Their anger will be snuffed out quickly, and then their only course of action will be to try something more intelligent. In this way, it can even be compared, almost, to teaching a child how they should behave.

Al Siebert PhD, author of Survivor Personality writes that anger is not meant to be something self destructive at all. When you are trying to stop a form of abuse, or just trying to get someone who is enraged to look at a situation better, the attitude you’ve got to have(as in a survival situation) is an attitude of “pessimistic optimism.” You must gain an undeterred determination to hold steady that this situation is going to get better, no matter what, and no matter what it takes. If that means permanently cutting off your connection with a person, getting them thrown in jail for abuse, then that is what it means. Your happiness and your freedom to live are your right.

Similarly, staying calm while others are angry can also cause us to look at our own actions as well. Not only should we simply be saying, “I’m always right,” but looking at the outcome of whatever it is you are dealing with in terms of your own actions in a calm and relaxed, yet alert, manner is going to aid things far more than if you were simply pulling out all the stops with a firm fist all the time. Consider the question, why is this person angry with me? And have I done anything to attract this particular person to be angry at me? Sometimes we can, especially unknowingly, and without intending, offend people by our own actions.

Most of the time, anger should never be something that is present in any disagreement, no matter what the issue. All situations have the ability to be solved calmly.