Scott Free Thinking

Recently in a psychology class of mine we were talking about self esteem. Similar to many other things, self esteem is something that we experience in ourselves that affects all of our decisions. Self esteem is directly tied into our own personality, and it creates our inner thoughts of self worth, or lack of self worth. Must one truly believe in themselves in order to succeed? I would say that it probably depends on the circumstances, but who has an easier time being successful? For that matter, any sort of success at all, whether it be financial, relationships, spiritual, or what have you - all of it is easily tied to your self esteem.

What sort of self esteem do you have? In class we received a handout that contained a list of all the different symptoms of individuals who have low self esteem, and as it turns out there is quite a few characteristics. See if any of these can be associated with you.

Symptoms and Signals of Low Self Esteem

• Dependency and need for approval from others
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Comparing yourself unfavorably to others
• Fear of speaking up for yourself
• Lack of confidence
• Unhappiness
• Feeling unworthy of love
• Inner feelings of incompleteness or emptiness
• Self doubt
• Self hatred
• Sense of shame
• Believing you’re not okay unless you’re in a relationship
• Feelings of insecurity and insignificance
• Violating your own values out of fear of what others think
• Too eager to please and follow others
• Tendency to focus on what’s lacking rather than what is
• Trivializing your skills, knowledge, gifts, and achievements
• Giving credit to others but not to yourself
• Giving more importance to other’s criticisms than to compliments
• Putting yourself down
• Low achievement
• Hostility towards others
• Feelings of apathy, helplessness, powerlessness and isolation

There are a few interesting items on this list that I would like to talk about. Low achievement, feelings of incompleteness or emptiness, and tendency to focus on what’s lacking rather than what is.

Those three things tie in directly with what we know to be the Law of Attraction, where like attracts like and all of the things that of course go with it. But that is not really my point. It comes back to a sort of question that involves the sort of “chicken or the egg” dilemma. If you have low levels of achievement in whatever it is you do, this list essentially says that you probably have low self esteem. If you feel empty, incomplete, or you’re upset about what you don’t have, then again - you’re likely to have low self esteem. If you are depressed, or vice versa, you are likely to have low self esteem.

The opposite might also be true however when these items are given an inverse. If you have low self esteem, you may have low achievement. If you have low self esteem, you may be focusing on what’s lacking rather than what is. Whatever the case when it comes to self esteem and success, it is important that all of these concepts can be flipped to mirror what you are currently accomplishing or setting out to achieve.

A very good friend of mine recently remarked that he considers himself a failure simply because he is not in school anymore. I tried to point out to him that not everyone who is successful went to college, and many of the greatest minds in history were not college educated. Entrepreneurs and brilliant people who get involved in their own independent marketing/selling projects and end up earning a huge amount of money are not always college educated. Resourcefulness and adaptability go far beyond what your academic degree dictates. This is a fact that I know not only should make him feel better, but it is a fact that I have researched extensively and I know to be true.

He replied to me, “Well it is all in the eye of the beholder. I’m the beholder and I consider myself a failure.”

You’ve got to be kidding me, I thought. All throughout any sort of struggles I have had, I have always fallen back to what I knew to be possible. Perhaps for some, it is easier to have a sort of undying faith in the future possibility for attaining any sort of greatness. In the back of my mind, I have always held out hope in my times of darkness. I have always had a lingering dream or desire that things will improve, and I think that when people start looking deep into themselves to understand that is about the same time that they can begin to improve their own self outlook.

Could this friend have low self esteem? Yes. In fact, he has even admitted so. The whole thing is a bit confusing, though. If someone has low self esteem, and they know it, are they not then empowered to do something about it?  Well, I’m not here to judge, but I know that when I imagine myself, I have always been empowered upon realizing my own feelings to then change them.

When you have high self esteem, you likely have high self confidence, and self confidence is highly important.  Have you ever met a business CEO who was highly anxious, not very confident, and uncertain about what to say to you, even from the start?  I know I haven’t!  A part of any successful person in the business world is that they are sure of what it is they’re saying, doing, and thinking.  Not only is this the way it is, this is definitely the way it should be, especially in the publicly held corporations.  I’m not talking about the guy who owns the fruit stand downtown or the snake oil salesman, I’m talking about the guys earning six figures who also have staggering levels of personal wealth.

Identity and how self esteem ties into that is so vitally important it can literally cause you to miss opportunities, give bad impressions, and disrupt situations that normally would go smoothly or that you would gain benefit from.  So whatever you do, feel good about you, it’s good for you!